tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
