Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
