So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
