My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
should my penis look like a turkey
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
