it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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