mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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