Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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