If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
