so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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