i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
