I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
