yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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