nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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