She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
