i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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