I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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