What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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