i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
