I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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