How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
