I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
it was like eating out sand paper
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
What a dumb baby whore.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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