I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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