have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
