TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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