Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
you had me at cake vodka
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize