Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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