how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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