I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
