I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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