so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
