I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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