he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
