im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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