I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
time to smoke my breakfast
I forgot how hot balto sounded
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
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