also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
