Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Randomize
