I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
