he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
