Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
They took my balls.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
