Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
