she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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