I feel like I'm in dance class right now
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just forgot I was standing up.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
