I hate all girls vehemently.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
