im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She's the barista slut.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
