Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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