Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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