i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
