you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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