Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
