Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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