but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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