That's intense
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
