I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
