dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
