My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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