Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
