Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I wish they made helmets for livers.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
