Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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