I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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