i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
