Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
