happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
we made out on top of his cat.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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