i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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