She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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