Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Randomize
