I think my fart just growled at me.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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