I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
