you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
