I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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