I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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